The Sweeter Things In Life

The last hour or two has really been a time of reflection from where I was and where I’m heading. I’m writing this “letter” with names excluded to protect their identities, but once the person it concerns reads this, she’ll know who she is and know the real feelings I have.

Dear Friend,

Today after our conversation I took time to reflect on the people that we have become. After so many years together, then so many years apart, you really have to take a step back and look at how things turned out. I feel like now we are strangers more than ever and I’m sure you feel the same. There is really no one person to blame for us growing apart, but I feel the need to write down what I feel in case you may see things differently.

When we were growing up we were two peas in a pod. Constantly sneaking around, getting into things that we probably shouldn’t have and confessing our deepest secrets to one another. You were the sister I never had and there was nothing better than having that shoulder to cry on. We had a lot of fun years together and it was some of the best memories of my life.

A lot of things changed when you met the man that is now the father of your children. You were no longer the strong, confident woman you used to be. You let him tear you down mentally and physically and all the while I pleaded for you to leave him; He was no good and only trouble. While it may have sounded selfish before, I still stand behind the fact that our friendship would have been better without him. He was a virus; everything he did and still does he ruins just by touching or being a part of it. He was the first part in the destruction of the friend I once knew.

I also blame myself for a portion of you changing. I left and moved to Newport News in pursuit of a dream and a life with Daniel. I left you with no one but the monster you were with and he could never be the sane and understanding person you needed in your life. Sometimes I’d like to think that we filled a void for each other growing up before I left. But by leaving I made that void bigger for the both of us. But time gave us ways of filling those voids. You filled yours with sex, children, drinking and drama. I filled mine with school, a wedding and mellowing out.

Talking with you the few times I have over the past five years, your life has been in a spiralling state. You constantly have issues with your children’s father and other men, you befriend women that your boyfriends cheat on you with and you constantly talk about getting shit faced and driving. I need to be honest and say…

The new you scares the shit out of me.

I’d love to be the person to help get some sense back into your head, but I fear that with the years that we’ve grown apart my opinion doesn’t really hold the weight that it used to. This is in no way saying that my life is perfect because its not. I have few friends that I can trust, my bills are piling up and yes, Daniel and I have problems. But these are normal concerns for people. If it was any indication from the Jerry Springer invite you got from your boyfriend’s “on the side” girl, your life is far from normal.

I know it may feel like I’m writing this to hurt you or maim your public image but I’m not. These are things that I’ve been harboring in my heart for the five long years that I had to watch as you fell further from grace.

For the sake of you and your babies, I hope you take this letter to heart.

 Michelle